My Cat Died

I've had my cat Howard for 18 years. He's been my bud for most of my adult life. But he's lived with my mom ever since I had started a family because he hates kids. He thinks they make too much noise.

My mom mentioned he was having trouble eating about a month ago. As the days turned into weeks he stopped eating altogether. And each time I've visited he's refused to come out from under the bed to chat with me.

A few days ago Mama asked if it was OK to have him put to sleep (of course it was). But when the day came we decided it was pointless as Howard's death was imminent yet he was in pretty good spirits. We didn't want him to spend his last moments in a strange place with strange people. It would've scared him. Being home, lying in the sun, seeing and smelling familiarity sounded like a much better way to exit.

Since it's a long weekend my mom and I decided it would be cool if she spent the night here. But when I arrived to pick her up she and I agreed we'd have to take the cat. He looked like a cadaver. Skin and fur hanging from his bones and unfocused eyes.

But he knew I was there! He let me carry him upstairs to the spare bedroom to spend time together. I cried like a baby and he humored me (LOL)! He just laid there letting me hug him, cry and say goodbye. I gave him Reiki to help with his transition. His dying energy was like nothing I've ever felt. Though I could feel his aura about 8 inches above him I felt nothing when I scanned his body. So little life left it was almost imperceptible to me. But near the base of his spine......

The energy pulsed out hard! Pushing against my hand strongly. Strange how his life energy was hanging on by a thread outside his body!! It was amazing. I had to feel it twice to be sure. But it was unmistakable.

After I got myself together we bundled him into the car for the 40 minute drive to my house. Hoping he'd be able to see the resting place we'd chosen for him near our property.

But he didn't make it.

He died in the car while my mother held him. It was kinda beautiful....and peaceful. After he passed I recalled the hot day in 2004 when I picked him up as a kitten to bring him home. Funny how we ended things the same way.

Rest In Peace Howard - mommy loves you!

Alter Egos, Astral Projection and Lucid Dreams

Do you have a dream persona? An alter ego who's bigger, badder and awesomer than you? Well, I have one and I'm thinking of bringing her to life. My own personal Frankenstein. LOL!

Since getting on the mommy track I've kinda lost sight of the things that make me click. Somehow morphing into a sweatpants wearing, ponytail sporting, makeup free, androgynous bore. But in my dreams....in my dreams I'm something else altogether.

This morning I began to think that maybe my dream persona is my unconscious desire to do and be more. Perhaps the "dream" is aligned more with where I need to be. IT more closely represents my mental, physical and spiritual state and serves to push me out of stasis by repeatedly showing me images of personal desire.

Let me tell you about my dream persona. She....
1. Speaks 4 languages: English (obviously), Spanish, German and Italian.
2. Exercises regularly and maintains her weight relative ease.
3. Has great hair!
4. Is a healer and light worker
5. Embraces the healthy expression of love, sex and sensuality

There's more...but those are the major ones. I'm always exploring these themes in my dreams. So why not create them physically so I can evolve to that ideal and continue my growth? Hell. I think it's a great idea. So here's what I'm doing:

1. I downloaded Michel Thomas Spanish from Audible.com to get started on my Spanish skills. Once I'm finished with the intro I'll move on to his Total Spanish course. I don't know how long it will take to learn Spanish well enough to be understood. But I'll give it a try for 6 months and see how far I get.

2. Just picked up Zumba Fitness 2 and tried a couple of songs. I'll have to add more variety to push myself to be more active each day. So I'll give myself until the end of the week to finalized my first months game plan. In the meantime, I'll continue doing Zumba for the fun of it.

3. The hair thing gets it own post! There's a lot going on with it.

4. I finished the Reiki I class last fall. But I don't feel ready for Reiki II yet. I'll write another post about my metaphysical studies and goals.

5. So many issues surrounding sex/sexual energies and the way we learn about it. I plan to address some of those issues via Astral Projection/Lucid Dreaming techniques as well as my pole dancing classes. Once again, this topic probably deserves a separate post. You know what....that'll be the next post I write.

Laters.